The other day I was working on a paper in Starbucks and feeling incredibly festive. They were playing my favorite Christmas tunes and decorating the store for the upcoming holiday. My spirits could not have been any higher… until a Scrooge marched in and mumbled to their friend that it was much to early to begin celebrating.

Now, if you grew up in an environment anything like the one I grew up in, then you would completely understand how blasphemous this statement was. It’s such a cheerful time that seems to make everyone so much happier, and every year I intend to soak up the most of it. Annually we decorate to excess the day after Halloween. We spend both November, December, and the first part of January with excessive Santa’s lining the halls and abundant lights. My mom blasts Christmas music and Hallmark Christmas films simultaneously. Along with our clock that reads “’Twas The Night Before Christmas” every hour, it can become quite loud in our house… but wonderfully so. As a family we watch at least a movie a day, and I half watch the film and half enjoy my parents’ boisterous laughter and their company. Because of this I have an extremely extensive knowledge of Christmas movies- both well done and horrible (but in a forgiving way.) I could not construct a list of “best Christmas movies,” for it would be much too long, so I’ve tried to consolidate my favorites into a comprehensive list. I hope you enjoy. These are NOT based on the merit of the film, but rather on a personal opinion. If you disagree with it (you’re wrong), but I understand.

For a Classic:

  1. Love Actually… love it or hate it, you’ve gotta watch it. Plus, Hugh Grant shaking his butt… yeah, heartthrob.
  2. The Grinch… Either the cartoon or re-make, the songs are captivating and the story will make your heart grow several sizes 😉
  3. Home Alone… I’m partial to the second one, but any selection will suffice.

For a Heartthrob: (for some reason this will be the longest category… judge me, whatever)

  1. Desperately Seeking Santa…  yeah the storyline is entirely predictable, but this is a film in which a woman hosts a SEXY SANTA COMPETITION. I repeat SEXY SANTA competition. It’s a typical made-for-TV movie that includes diversity, class struggles, and a realization of what truly matters in life #family, but it includes a sexy Santa competition.
  2. Holiday in Handcuffs… A woman kidnaps a man (MARIO LOPEZ), and introduces him to her family as her boyfriend. Chaos ensues. The director of photography insisted on several close-up shots and an unnecessary (but totally necessary) Mario Lopez “oops I just stepped out of the shower and am in a towel and kind of wet and super gorgeous” scene. Enough said.
  3. I’ll Be Home for Christmas… featuring notable alumnus Jonathan Taylor Thomas. He tries to make it home for Christmas dinner so that he can get a Porsche from his father. He is stranded as Santa and has a hilarious and heart wrenching journey home. JTT looks hot in a Santa suit.

For a Laugh:

  1. Elf… because deciding to put Will Ferrell in a holiday film was the greatest decision since the invention of Oreos (1912… thx Google)
  2. Christmas Vacation… part of the National Lampoon Chevy Chase franchise, this film could also fall into the “underappreciated” category. Chevy Chase wants to host a “perfect” Christmas experience at his house, but his less than perfect family create obstacles along the way.

Underappreciated Films:

  1. Borrowed Heart… a man hires a woman and her daughter to pretend to be his family so that he can successfully make a business deal.
  2. Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas… three stories, triple the cuteness. How can you deny the adorableness of Mickey and Minnie trying to find each other the perfect gifts?
  3. The Christmas List… A woman gets everything she asks Santa for but starts to understand what really is important in life.

Because You Have To:

  1. Santa with Muscles… I haven’t seen this, BUT let the description speak for itself: “Hulk Hogan [is] a millionaire-bodybuilder-turned-amnesiac-mall-Santa-crime-fighter.” Yeah.

Why?:

  1. Krampus… Adam Scott’s in a new Christmas HORROR film. It hasn’t been released yet. I don’t intend to watch it because #scary, but I respect the casting decision because Adam Scott is a fine piece of arse (add him to the heartthrob category)