Mom: “Invite that cute guy to dinner with us.”
Mom: “Did you do it? Hellllloooooo?”
Me: “Not yet.”
Mom: “Never mind. I asked.”
Me: “What? How”
Mom: “Just messaged him on the Facebook!”
NOOO.

My parents are coming to visit next week. For most people this would be quite exciting news. It has been a long semester, and you finally get some time to upgrade from your Tesco value lifestyle for a brief moment of luxury.

My parents, however, are a different story. My dad takes any introduction to a man as an opportunity to present a dowry. My mom obnoxiously points out anything that would be slightly different in America and goes, “How adorable!” in only a slightly condescending tone. Last week they asked me if I could check to see if the grocery store has a few things… like butter. What’s that? Never heard of it.

Nevertheless, I am extremely grateful that they will be coming here…for a week… right before my two biggest deadlines of the year… to visit.
The difficult thing about having visitors in St Andrews is that everything you could possibly show them can be done in about thirty minutes, if you’re moving slowly. Somehow they expect me to entertain them for a week, finish my deadlines, attend class, and keep up with the various society meetings I have on a weekly basis. As a result, this week has turned into one of very little sleep, as I prepare for the things that I must do. In an ideal world, the to-do list I complete is as follows:
1) Write essays in advance
2) Clean my room
3) Stock kitchen with items other than Vodka and an empty jar of Nutella
4) Hide condoms
If I’m feeling ambitious, I’d probably even do laundry and bake something. They’d see that my life is put together.
But in reality, it’s not. And the timeline of events goes a lot like this:
1) Sit down to write essay
2) Cry
3) Encounter writers block, go to Union to appease this
4) Drink
5) Cry
6) Destroy room in a fit of drunken rage looking for a copy of “Nacho Libre” to watch at 3AM
7) Wake up hating yourself
8) Cry
9) Buy more Nutella
10) Look at the amount you have to clean
11) Immediately leave your flat
12) Stay up all night before they arrive
13) Be grumpy upon their cheery arrival

Considering I have a few days left until they arrive, I’m somewhere in the middle of both of these lists. I have a basic draft of my essays, but I’m also extremely hungover and have cried in Main Bar four times… today. I’ll keep you updated on my progress as the weeks progresses, but I have a feeling that my breakfast tea will soon be turning into a Pablo. Xx for now.