Lucy Bishop 

It was that time of year that we looked forward to

Week four, semester one, first years riddled with freshers flu

When the Kate Kennedy club opened their arms

And welcomed twelve hundred students in their grade A garms.

The 25th Opening Ball St Andrews has seen,

And the second opening ball to which I have been,

Excitement was high for event numero two

To see if the club would produce something new…

Traditionally Scottish! A perfect St. Andrews night,

We were welcomed by a racket from some dodgy bagpipes. 

The piper claims that “it was a faulty reed”,

After several burst eardrums, Walker had to concede.

As we passed through the gates just beyond the Quad

We were handed a glass of fizz from DJ Todd,

A costly ticket for one sip, ‘I want another!’

Still, money or Cava, which would you rather?

So if you honoured St Andrews tradition

Of late arrivals with a 10:30 admission, 

Gone was the greeting of bubbly brut 

Instead, a heap of smashed champagne flutes.

The grand marquee never fails to impress,

The tent’s aesthetic was a huge success

But the show was stolen by the four sided bar,

Its square design emitted the expected queueing scar.

Yet a new drinks feature was both a blessing and a curse

And it did the most damage to the VK lover’s purse

The Pablo’s ball debut, we were no longer deprived

But a controversial six pounds to the Union’s five. 

A glass or three later when we’d had a few

We did a lap of the tent to see what else to do.

A free Jannetta’s stall, same old ice cream stunt

But not opportune snacks for the lactose intolerant. 

The big tent performers blew us away,

How’s Harry, a bit too edgy per se.

The other DJs took to the decks like a storm

And soon enough the crowd mirrored their form.

But the hidden gem was found outside,

A smaller tent in which you could hide.

A chance to escape the drunken slurs,

The freshers, KK rejects and freelance photographers. 

This tent’s music was ‘lit’ or thereabouts,

With the St Andrews faves, ASQUIRE and Tea House. 

‘Best night of my life’ Gus Giddins exclaimed

He doesn’t get out a lot, it’s a shame. 

It must be said that a great night was had,

When the last song played, not only I was sad.

The crowd stood together, waiting in hope, under the moon

twelve hundred students chanting “ONE MORE TUNE”

I’m disappointed to report that our request was ignored

So finally the booze infused crowd got bored

They took themselves home from Lower College Lawn,

Leaving the KK boys to clean up ‘till dawn. 

I look back fondly on this event

Not the slightest feeling of discontent

The Kate Kennedy Club made the evening alive,

Thus I give this event five stars out of five.