My floor is covered in a layer of dirt, sand, and foam. Empty Empire pizza boxes scatter the room. A concerning amount of alcohol bottles lay in my kitchen, and there’s a half eaten bagel in the center of the living room floor. I barely have the strength to roll out of my bed and scrub off the inappropriate “insert here” tramp stamp my flatmate drew on me with Sharpie. This can only mean one thing: Raisin came, and Raisin won.

We started our day having our kids arrive at 8:13AM. The drinking commenced as we played various games- only one of which was extremely sacrilegious. Somehow, maybe it was the bottle of vodka mixed with the liter of cider, I ended up slightly inebriated, cried for a while in the Vic bathroom, and then ate two meals from Empire… two. I woke up in my flatmate’s bed both extremely confused and covered in paint.

While it has taken me a day of self-loathing and Noodle Bar to recover, I have come up with a definitive list of things to know as you plan for your next Raisin adventure.

1)Always bring back up bags of wine. We took two bags of wine to the beach to play catch. Simple game: you drop the bag, you drink. This idea was great in theory, until someone chunked the bag at me, the contents exploded, and I found myself covered in shitty five-pound wine. Luckily, we had a backup bag which proved to be more durable.

2) Always dress up. My flatmate and I are sometimes described as obnoxious, inappropriate, or eccentric. We have a slew of wigs and fancy dress ready to bust out at any point. Unlike our weekly tutorials or church, Raisin is a judgment free time. We rocked our pink wigs and police hats with style. It makes the day more fun and loosens up the crowd.

3) Have your kids bring something. This idea was genius. One of the rules at our house was that in order to enter the party, kids had to bring a beverage that began with the same letter as their name (example: Sara = Sourz, Sambuca). This brought an element of fun and creativity, but more importantly- it replenished our alcohol supply. After depleting your bank account and dignity, it’s nice to be left with a few bottles to help you cope.

4) Party with your kids pre and post raisin. Raisin is the event that everyone looks forward to, but it’s best to actually create an environment in which everyone feels comfortable. After many a pub crawl, movie night, and pot lucks with my kids, I feel that they are actually my friends. This will make Raisin more fun and enjoyable for everyone.

5) Bribe your neighbors. Sometimes your surrounding peers are not keen for the noise that comes along with Raisin festivities. If you have to, adopt our strategy and leave a cheeky note with a bottle of wine on your neighbor’s doorstep apologizing in advance for noise and/or nudity they may encounter.

7) Leave your phone at home. This will allow you to bond more with your children. It will also save you from embarrassing autocorrects. For example, I told my friend that’d I’d take “a sh*t then head to [hers],”and I can only hope that I meant “shot.”

8) Use your kids to your advantage. Yes, I challenged my kids to give my phone number to every hot guy they saw. I’ve received many calls and regret nothing.

9) Sexualize everything. What’s wrong with a little fun? Have your kids compete in a lap dance competition. After all, incest is the best.

I’m going to sign off, considering that I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. I hope everyone had a lovely, fun, and safe raisin. Until next time xx